Open Caption: Issue 1

July 16

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Open Caption week 1 photo

Matt Guess, Summit-At-Snoqualmie, WA | Photo: Huggy

This contest is closed. Check out the Open Caption section for the latest one.

Writing captions can be hit or miss, kinda like doing fastplants. The good news is that when you blow it on a caption your nuts remain intact. (Unless, of course, you piss off a hack photographer wasting space in the frame.) Well, SNOWBOARDER is asking all those readers who claim that they can caption better than us to put up or shut up. Leave your caption as a comment for the photo above and the person who comes up with the best caption as judged by the SNOWBOARDER staff will win a pair of Eero Ettala’s brand-new signature DVS sneakers, “Torey Snow”. Fodder for potential captions can include the Summit-at-Snoqualmie’s Holy Oly, which is where this photo was shot, Euro Gap, which is the movie Eero is currently filming for, and the illustrious Ricky Melnik, who happens to be the DVS Shoes snow TM and the subject of two separate Peter’s Colon columns. The contest ends when the next issue comes out.

Open Caption Prize Week 1

Related

Comments

  • world up

    Stretching while riding saves time.

  • dj cumglaze

    The first and last fastplant he’ll ever land

  • CO-Fosho

    Give me an F!!!!

  • Caseythefever

    I guess Matt Guessed wrong.

  • D E Fresh

    Switch Fast Plant to Taint Slide … Nice!

  • Joey

    well, he doesn’t need a vasectomy any more

  • Vk

    …yeeeeeeehaaa!!! …where are the horns? …XD

  • Karma

    To say that this trick took some balls would be an understatement

  • tyler

    “AHHH FUCK, ohh so thats what racking is:(“

  • Lewis

    This way to the nut stall.

  • The Canadien

    Matt Guess Mixes Ballet And Snowboarding Together While He Tries To Do A Fastplant.

  • Amos

    Matt Guess, humping his way to the podium.

  • Amos

    Who says snowboarding can’t be sexy?

  • Adam

    Talk about a banger! Matt Guess goes one foot air to sack tap on a bonk that is oddly enough the same colour as the body part it just destroyed.

  • Derek

    Landed it!! Whats that breeze near my family?

  • Clown

    Is this the 90′s?

  • bmt_57

    Matt Guess didn’t get the happy ending he was looking after this fastplant

  • mer

    Damn i hate when that happens!

  • paris

    check out my sweet Wang Grind!

  • CO-Fosho

    Photoshop!!!!

  • SlopeStylz

    Ow, my balls!

  • Ninja

    The shot was set. Clouds rolling out of the frame, sun emerging, photographer in place…a very fine day at the Summit-at-Snoqualmie. Matt Guess ollied off the transition, one-foot out, ready to tag the hitching post. Moments later Matt awoke in a white room, sedated, and having lost half his manhood.

    Well, not all of that is true, but it would make for a better story.

    Matt Guess, Summit-At-Snoqualmie, WA | Photo: Huggy

  • Reed

    Count It !

  • Has

    This is one way to learn that one-footered tricks really aren’t cool.

  • grant

    Presenting the new trick of the year, “The Strangelove.” Way to go Slim!

    (A reference to Slim Pickens riding the H-Bomb in Dr. Strangelove for those who haven’t seen the movie)

  • Nick

    This is what happens when your personal trainer is Olivia Newton John.

  • Jonesy

    Matt slammed wood into his wood!

  • budsinbudzen

    Somebody forgot to tell Matt Guess the holy oly was a celebration of all things shred, not a gymnastics course involving high horses.

  • ZGriffin

    Sometime’s you miss your footing on a fastplant, sometime’s you miss while trying to insert the worlds largest tamp.

  • Holy Moly

    If you think this looks bad, just imagine the shot his buddy is getting right now.

  • Alex

    Matt Guess going nuts at the Holy Oly to summit all up!

  • Alex

    *Matt Guess going nuts at the Holy Oly should summit all up.

  • Jah Snookie

    It helps if you get the jib drunk first.

  • Jah Snookie

    Did the park guy get his name because of what he does to riders balls?

  • the Dark Canuck

    OOOOOOOOY that’s gotta hoyt!

  • Slater

    You probably won’t see this shot on the cover of our mag, but we suspect the video to be a hot contestant on America’s Funniest Home Video’s. Our vote is with you Matt, and our prayers are with your jewels.

  • tbt

    Sack Tap!

  • your mama’s titties

    holy oly shit, I guess he shouldn’t have been dickin’ around

  • Skeaton BEEP

    Matt Guess getting is nut on at Summit, Snoqualmie

  • Skeaton BEEP

    Matt Guess popin balls at Snoqualmie

  • Skeaton BEEP

    Matt Guess pullin out a Croch Rocker at Summit, Snoqualmie

  • Skeaton BEEP

    A serious disaster stall for Matt Guess at Summit, Snowqualmie

  • Skeaton BEEP

    Matt Guess is polishing his family jewels at Summit, Snoqualmie

  • Skeaton BEEP

    Matt guess itching his nutts on this buttery rail at Summit, Snoqualmie

  • Skeaton BEEP

    And a NUT SLIDE for a HOME RUN!

  • Skeaton BEEP

    Open your legs, because Matt Guess is about to slide right in!

  • Skeaton BEEP

    Reverse Cock Rocker!

  • Skeaton BEEP

    Matt Guess scratching his ass like a house trained kitten!

  • Skeaton BEEP

    Gotta grind every nook and cracky!

  • bmt_57

    not exactly the happy ending he was looking for

  • mike

    and boom go’s the dynamite.

  • Greg

    Perfect example of someone not making the Euro Gap and the reason its called Holy Oly. Look on the bright side he never needs to wear another condom.

  • JR

    Hey cameraman, “is this what you meant by getting a leg up?”

  • lindas still a bitch

    Matt Guess, taking it places Krush even wont.

  • lindas still a bitch

    Hey camera man, up skirts are illegal in Washington. Matt Guess has one for the memory books.

  • Jenise

    Matt Guess, showing off a perfect Euro Gap crotch-plant. Expect to see this trendy trick being showed off on mountains everywhere this season…

  • Jenise

    ***IGNORE MY POST ABOVE. I MADE A SLIGHT REVISION***

    Matt Guess, displaying a perfect Euro Gap crotch-plant. Expect to see this trendy trick being shown off on mountains everywhere this season…

  • CO-Fosho

    Matt Guess shows Summit-at-Snoqualmie what “gettin bangers” is all about with a super steezy fast plant to reverse cowgirl.

  • LTD

    1 second before impact, things going through this guys mind: Damn, missed it again, this one’s gonna hurt!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Tanner

    You Just gotta look at this backwards. Matt Guess is the F, the Mountain is the M and the outline of the trees is the L. Which turns out to be exactly what Matt is thinking right about now!

  • Travis

    getting railed like his mom.

  • Drake

    Jesse Burtner nearly peed his pants at Matt’s creative use of his loins.

  • spongeee

    Sack tap to bowser balls. Matt really brought it home on this one..

  • spongeee

    Matt Guess shows us how he gets a feel for the setup. . .Just make sure your jibs are tested!

  • bob

    Send your kids to snowboard camp today!

  • nuge

    He rode ‘em on his scrotum! yoga plant shot between the scrummit an scroqualmie.

    Photo: YOU F$@%ED WITH THE WRONG BEAR.

  • I plead the 5th…

    ‘Ol Boy tried to pull off a fast one by doin’ the world’s first 1-footed stalefish noseblunt
    but instead got broke off with a 1-nut squished stunt, Damn!

  • twirly tweak bird

    ninja kick to sack slide!

  • Zakhary Mauser

    Once again Eero progresses snowboarding by discovering the “Nut slide”.
    -Do not try this at home

  • Zakhary Mauser

    He wanting to compare his wood with the jib wood.

  • Zakhary Mauser

    If you travel to Mt. Hood you can also learn this trick.

  • HoodisHome

    It takes dedication to show up to the Holy Oly. It takes commitment to try fastplants. Matt Guess proving that it takes balls to do both.

  • girlyyyy

    the snowboarding pummel horse…. nothing to be proud of.

  • toodark

    the first switch backside one footed mule dragger caught on film!!!

  • sk801

    forget about the trick, check out the filmer blowin it.

  • joel

    You could make some Olympic comment about a pommel horse and snowboarding, but that would be lame…and so are the Olympics. Matt Guess busting a nut at the Holy Oly at Summit-At-Snoqualmie

  • b.west

    Matt Guess stickin it to it at The Summit-at-Snoqualmie.

  • Matt

    Matt always busts his balls to land badass tricks.

  • tyler

    mmm inverted froggy style action

  • ray

    Guess what he is thinking…pizza or Chinese tonight?

  • Alyssa Kupila

    Most people think it was just that moment that sucked, but in reality….it was the aftermath; the pride, the balls and the oh to prominent drop to the bottom.

    [Note: he is clearly not getting over that and there is clearly a gap right before it, i.e. once he falls he wont be stopping]

  • timmyd

    Matt, guess why they give you two bindings

  • Andy Moran

    Looks like someone forgot to switch out his drunk goggles for his riding pair. Matt seemed to still have his mind on the mechanical bull from the bar the night before going for this fastplant.

  • Colton

    Matt Guess throwing out the gouch tickler…that move should really be saved for the bedroom.

  • kpizz

    Mommy!

  • KEENaN

    The rare time where its better to be filming then snowboarding
    gotta feel sorry for his meat and 2 veg…
    sweet effort but : )

  • Scott “CHAOS” Moore

    And next up on the pommel horse to do the nut kracker suite.

  • CO-Fosho

    P.s Thats not a fast plant…

  • Sean

    Damn. Its too bad he slipped or this would have been a pretty good shot. I Guess this shows us how much effort Matt puts into his work. Going balls to the wall at SAS.

  • Chris Bender

    Matt “guess” guessed wrong… we’ll call it the ballcrusher grind.. He shoulda stuck with the before picture.

  • keyahna

    fresh fuckin ymca

  • Brady Iden

    OH SHIT!… MUTHER FUCKER GOD DAMN.

  • Mar

    Forget double flips! Matt guess pulls a double ball stall to fake!!! It will make any man a mouse!

  • Tom

    Giddyup, little doggy!

  • Brandon

    People say that all they need is lovemaking and snowboarding… why not practice both together?

  • Mike

    Matt Guess: The reason we don’t ski.

  • Anthony M

    The camera man always has the best angle.

  • Chris Sovich

    Matt Guess, fASSt plant
    Photo: Huggy

  • Chris Sovich

    Matt Guess, Stars in the Kung Foo Magazine with a full spread

  • franklin whaley

    Matt Guess, stomps the one footed nut cracker first try!

  • matt guess

    ha i didnt even get my sack!but i did get the trick!! goodluck on scoring some shoe

  • matt guess

    draks got the best one thus far

  • Paulyo

    Matt Guess at Summit-at-Snoqualmie’s Holy Oly… doing the bull dance. Feelin’ the flow. Workin’ it. Workin’ it.

  • Claudia

    SICK! No, seriously, I’m gonna be sick.

  • Nate B

    ” Scott Stevens Ain’t got shit on me”

  • TCO4157

    Micheal Jackson is back from the dead!!!!

  • Benjamin Swan

    I guess Matt Guess is nuts on fastplants.

  • Jonathan James

    Trickless and dickless

  • jamie wilbur

    “Giddy Up Cowboy”!

  • tanielson

    The ultra rare ultra gnarly species of snow horse fights back against this brutal treatment, it’s not for gymnastics…it’s for shredding man!

  • kyle

    You need “balls of steel” to be able to land Matt Guess’s new trick, “The Nutplant!”

  • ronnie

    Gettin Sum!

  • Mammoth13

    Hey Shaun White, your double cork………sub par!

  • Scott White

    I thought tow ropes were the best way to get an enema in the park…

  • Steve haring

    Bazoinka! my nards!!

  • Rhian Hastey

    Glad you’ve got your affro, because thats the only thing you’ll have standing tall for a while.

  • Rhian Hastey

    The hidden hydraulic hurdle was proving more fun than first thought.

  • Codog

    Taco con carne assada

  • Carson Schultz

    Gymnastics and Snowboarding at the same time….fail.

  • Carson Schultz

    Usually people keep both feet attached to the board.

  • James Hayes

    Holy Oly! It’s Matt Guess going balls to the…you catch our drift.

  • Jason Sears

    Sh*t.. I missed the shot…. one more time?

  • Ed Jones

    Matt always wondered why the sack plant had never taken off.

  • Dominic

    When youre super wasted….everything looks sexy.

  • Chris Letterle

    “Oh F***!!! I swear i had my boot strapped into my bin….AAAAAAAAHHHH. Well that didn’t go so well”

  • Angus

    90% of Professional Snowboarders have trouble urinating

  • Chris eckhoff

    Hiiiiiiiyyaaaaaaoooooowww!!!!!!

  • JJ

    Matt taking sacktape to a whole new level….hopefully he was rockin a cup!!

  • Marielle Schifferling

    OLYMPIC GYMNAST TAKES THE ENTERTAINMENT VALUE TO A WHOLE OTHER LEVEL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • vEZ

    “Matt Guess has justed invented the nutt plant”

  • vEZ

    “Matt Guess inventing the “nut plant”

  • Lucero Cárdenas

    as Pig, from Pearls Before Swine, would say:
    “Oooooooh …my oopma loompas”

  • Adam

    Some people might not know that Matt Guess is actually a highly decorated gymnast. Unfortunately, showing by this picture, transitioning a pommel horse from the gym to the snow wasn’t as easy as one might have thought…better luck with the trapeze Matt!

  • Adam

    Forgot to pack a few squares of toilet paper again…always come prepared!

  • BAIley kimmel

    “hey matt GUESS what snowboarding and gymnastics dont mix”

  • Richard Farrell

    Who needs waxing when you can burn it off!

  • Richard Farrell

    It must be Christmas.
    I am the nut cracker.

  • Carson Desjardins

    At least the view was nice…

  • Carson Desjardins

    What would we do without morphine, a cold 12pack and a hot tub.

  • Carson Desjardins

    This is what happens when you try and wave to your girlfriend.
    You put the karate kid to shame bodaciously Matt.

  • Micaela

    I guess his balls are now a “one ball wolf pack”!

  • Lachlan

    Up at the Summit at Snoqualmie Matt Guess has been trying out a new trick, he calls it the “i never want to have kids”.

  • Kiernan

    Knick knack, patty wack, this old man came moaning home.

  • Annie

    Nice Mountain!

  • barthics

    Missed putting the foot down and now missing a part to the baby maker

  • Hardbodies

    Oh my Lant

  • Matt

    “The Jib Cracker” – Trick from the 80′s

  • Elizabeth

    Matt Guess lands on his balls. This is one time I bet the star wishes he was riding with both feet!

  • world up

    With all the gymnastic double, triple, and quadruple corks hitting the scene, the Olympic committee decided to introduce snowboard one footed pommel horse events to the Olympic games.

  • nikki

    permanent birth control

  • Robert Clarke

    This guy’s a true innovator… Introducing the one foot, front-side sac-slide… Watch out camera dude!

  • joshuavp

    What a cock junkie!

  • Vincent

    August 16th, Summit-At-Snoqualmie, WA. BREAKING NEWS.
    Matt Guess, former pro snowboarder, suddenly stopped his career while he was starring in future Eero Ettala’s movie, Euro Gap, to become a pornstar. We wish him good luck, but are already sure he’ll do fine, considering that the most manly part of his anatomy was big enough (even in snow) to almost seriously injure his cameraman.

  • nugget

    Matt Guess aka ronald mcdonald showing off his bull riding skills in Summit-at-snoqualmies park

  • jeremy thompson

    Definitely not the 69 position, but looks like he is getting her done

  • freshkush

    foot plant to nut cramp

  • parckrew

    the tip trick of the day. sorry,…… it was trick tip……..

  • Scott

    matt guess, welcome to euro tap

  • Mike

    Matt Guess proving that, contrary to popular belief, it is possible to nut yourself snowboarding.

  • Andrew

    I remember my first flastplant

  • mashynaps

    matt guess will nut stall your hitching post, if you lipslide his up rail.

  • thepricklypinecone

    It gives nut job a whole new meaning.

  • eastbeast

    Duke’s of hazzard slide ?

  • Jon Ballesteros

    Pierre LaDouch comes up for his final run…Oh WOW!!! This guys really gets bawls deep on the slider rail.

  • Hangelevenson

    Dress rehearsals for the new Holy Oly ballet seem to be going well. Break a leg!

  • Jord-N

    Is the Holy Oly ok?

  • boardhoarder

    Snowboarding? I thought this was pommel horse…

  • kyle brown

    I’m startin trends yo! check the ball smasher, now get out there and learn it son.

  • Darren sykes

    Is that a jibbing rail between your legs or are u really REALLY pleased to see me!?!?

  • Tannner Davison

    StUcK much>? hard to get any better than that oh wait maybe…

  • Brannon

    Hi, nuts… meet rail.

  • Bobby

    As couch hines would say: For petes peppers son, right on the cobblers.

  • Spencer Knuttila

    Try the new Summit at snowqualmie Penis Enlargers!

  • Qki

    Clean balls lipslide.

  • Seth Sherman

    bye bye babies

  • Hunter Green

    “…I thought this only happens to skiers…”

  • Stas Milev

    a ‘snow bull’ throws down the rider!

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